5 Signs That Sliding into a Girl’s DM Will Backfire on You and 6 Tips on How to do it Like a Pro
See a Girl You Like on Social Media?
Nairobi and Kenya in general, has beautiful women. You would be fooled to think that the abundance of beautiful women guarantees you a date with one of them. With the beauty and elegance, comes the pride of an African woman.
Sliding into a girl’s DM (direct message) has been made to look easier than it really is. What they don’t tell us is that 80% of time, girls never respond to DMs. Sliding into someone’s DM is good for feigning confidence and is rarely guaranteed to work but for some guys, they say it works 5% of the time. 5% is good enough if you get the girl of your dreams right?
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Here are 5 guaranteed ways to know if your DM will backfire
1. Anytime she posts something, she gets like 2k likes
You have probably seen this. There are women who sort of have a celebrity status on social media. Such girls post one small update; such as “Hmm… the sun today!” and in less than one minute, she has 500 likes. Chances are that your DM will be buried among many veteran fisis. Before sliding into someone’s DM look at their posts.
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Hint: The fewer the likes, the higher the chances that your message will be considered.
2. The lass has more than 10,000 followers
The rule of thumb is; a girl who has more than 10,000 followers is likely to ask what you bring to the table. Being a great guy or having a sick sense of humor doesn’t cut it for such a lady. She needs evidence that unaweza sema na kutenda. Such girls care about image and you must have the ability to take care of her and maintain her image; that means you can whip out some crispy notes when her hand stretches out asking for a handout. Most of the time, you also have to have an excellent fashion sense.
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3. She posts pictures of expensive food
There are girls who post pictures of food; then there are those who post pictures of food that requires two or three tries before you can pronounce what she is eating. If a girl posts pictures of pancakes and maple syrup for breakfast and lobster frittatas at lunch, save yourself the trouble before sliding into her DM.
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4. She shops in stores that end with an s
Women love shopping; no doubt about that, but if she loves shopping in stores such as Woolworths, Truworths, Deacons, Angelos etc., she got her own; she wants a bold man. Give it up. Unless you know you can maintain that lifestyle.
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5. She complains about the things she gets in her inbox
Women get all sorts of stuff in their DMs. If you see her complaining about the shenanigans she receives in her inbox all the time, chorea. She will probably think you are among the many losers who DM her. She probably doesn’t like DMs.
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How to slide into her DM like a pro
1. First make sure you sort of know each other
You do not necessarily have to know her personally. You might share a mutual friend or something. You can begin by liking her posts every once in a while; not too much, like the really good updates. Show her some interest by “supporting” her career. Comment where necessary; one liners, the general ones, are pretty good. Do not start writing vile you think she is cute nini nini. Save that for the DM. No smileys please. You are a man; remember.
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2. Analyze her hobbies
Also, check through her pictures to analyze her hobbies. Try to understand them so that you can have something to say; even if she is into “fencing.” Jua fencing ni nini hio siku.
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3. Analyze her profile
After all is set, make sure she does not have a man who appears in more than 3 of her pictures. If you see the same man more than thrice, another man already beat you to the chase. Even if that’s not the case, it’s going to be complicated. Walk away.
4. Your profile should have pictures
Your profile has to have pictures; it is better if the mutual friend of both of you is in one of them. Trust is important here. Men hate updating social media profiles but you are the hunter here; anything to help you get the girl.
5. Wait for the sign
The best sign you can ever receive is when she likes one of your pictures or comments. Jackpot! Your chances of a successful DM slide just went up to +50%. If she has never liked, commented, or showed interest, your chances are down -20%. If you have the balls of a wild bull, and there is still no sign, comment after she comments on a mutual friend’s post. Exposure is also key here.
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6. The slide
Be queer and direct
Do not say “Hi, What’s up?” That’s overrated! She sees that all the time!
Try a discussion in the lines of where you encountered in the comments or likes you did in step 1.
Or you could try weird questions, “How about we go fencing together?” (Be clear about where this is headed).
Also, now you can tell her she is cute.
Proofread your messages before you send
Please… autocorrect will make you say, “Natalia bikinis pos.” instead of “nataka kukujua poa.” WTF is wrong with autocorrect anyway? Proofreading also helps so that you don’t come out looking like a complete idiot. Imagine writing, “I would liker to know you better. You looker cuter.”
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Don’t do dick pics
Women hate this and apparently, many of them get such pictures. They never want such nonsense in their inboxes. Ease up. Don’t send unsolicited pictures and do not ask for nude pictures either. We are in the Whatsapp era; shit could go viral and your wee-wee might end up in the hands of your primary school Maths teacher. Then what?
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What if you are rejected?
Rejection is a part of life. Please don’t send another message if the first one is not replied. Let her live in peace. Accept rejection and move on. Plenty of fish in the sea!
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