How To Get Out of The Rut of Negative Thinking at Work and in Relationships
Negative Thoughts are not Real
Have you ever asked yourself why your brain always tries to drag you down “Negative Street” even when you want to be positive? There are good days when the mind is in touch with the positive vibes all around, but there are days you cannot help but pause and rewire the brain to think positive. They say a single positive thought is stronger than fifty negative thoughts. Think of negative thoughts like crickets…
There are many things that happen on a daily basis that demoralize even the best humans, but it is how one recovers that makes the difference. Think about the saying, “Wake up with your left foot.” What does that even mean? When you think about it, why do you have to base the fate of my day on a stupid foot! I know the saying is figurative but I think it is highly superstitious if you ask me. Either that or it has a lot to do with what you personally believe. So what if someone is having a bad day? Could it be just that? “A day” There’s a whole life ahead of each one of us.
A lot of the negative stuff we see around is always made up. Think about failure. Many people are afraid of failure and in turn, are afraid of poverty. However, some choose to channel that fear into the drive to succeed. Therefore, if indeed fear of failure was real, we would all be failures no matter how hard you tried.
The two key areas people think about negatively in life are relationships and work.
Marriage and Relationships
Frequently, people claim that couples in marriage and relationships desire to leave while the single people want to get into marriages and relationships. I agree; many of the stories about men in Kenya are about how old men have metamorphosed into sponsors. It is now not unheard of to see innumerable university girls and working class women frantically fighting or twerking for men who can afford to give them a life akin to Vera Sidika’s.
Correspondingly, Kenyans will also not get a break from the stories about women becoming cougars. You can, therefore, empathize when a single person is extremely pessimistic when his/her friends get into relationships arguing that they do not make sense or do not know what they are doing. Haven’t we heard it all? People say that they cannot get into relationships because they are a waste of time, they derail your progress, they end up in hurt, blah blah blah blah…
So, where are all the good stories? Can we at least entertain the possibility that relationships can be fulfilling? To think positively about relationships, one would have to appreciate the differences between men and women and further, realize that there are differences between individuals. Hence, you might have a woman brought up in the rural areas and one brought up in the suburbs behaving differently. Human beings are remarkably different; so the right person could be right in front of your eyes, but you choose to “look for the right one.” Therefore, do not assume all girls want a sponsor or assume all men want a cougar, model, cook, or other patriarchal-stereotype-definitions of what makes a woman. There are some pretty decent Kenyan women and men out there.
Additionally, it is crucial to realize that perfection in any individual does not exist anywhere; except of course on social media. It is essential to think positively about love and understand that your thoughts about something affect the outcome. For example, if you believe relationships are a waste of time, you will never appreciate when Mr. or Mrs. Right comes to your life. If your thoughts are positive about love you will find it and you will not have to spend a fortune or avoid being your real self to find it. However, do not be a slacker in the name of looking for one who will “take you as you are.” Put your best foot forward.
Work is yet another aspect that our minds tend to think about negatively. There are times when work for some people disheartens their efforts. Even when bosses are tough, the long term objective should always be to become better. I am not in any way saying that you have to take crap from anyone; including your boss. And by crap I mean sexual harassment, irrational thinking, or outright disrespect. There are times bosses are tough because of work related issues; that is acceptable. You should take cue and learn as much as you can and you will gradually notice your boss becoming softer on you.
Fine, you have a job that you hate. What would you rather do? If you have an answer for that question, do it. But if you do not, please think hard before quitting. Probably, you are just tired of the routine. If that is the case, it is important to start tuning the mind to think positively. It’s easy. Just ask your mind to focus on what is good about the job; is it the growth, the skills you will learn that you can use to run your own firm, is it the prospects (move to a better company) etc. Most of the time, a job sucks because of external elements and not internal ones. It is rare for someone to quit because they think they are in the wrong profession.
If the external elements can be changed, please do. Is your boss an ass? Look for another company. Has your account become a peanut repository (because your salary is literally peanuts)? Be patient, gain some experience, and then quit! Only change careers when you cannot imagine yourself being a professional in your current line of work. And even then, do not quit if you do not have a solid backup. Please do not quit to do an arbitrary business; namely farming, IT, consulting. By this I mean, if you want to quit so that you can venture into farming, which type of farming? What’s the market like? Do you have the skills, do you have some leads? and land? Will you hire land or do you own? You get the drift; ask yourself the hard questions before quitting.
There are plenty of ways to enjoy your job and think positively. Reward yourself with something you like every month, network with people who enjoy the same job and assess why they love their job; ask them, take a break when it’s time to take a break, enjoy your weekends, and have supportive people around you. A lot of this stuff might seem cliché but it is true. Do not admire the magnificent lives of people on Instagram and think you want a life like that. Have a plan, invest in your knowledge, and have a retirement side hustle.
Finally, remember that positive thoughts require effort. Have a positive mantra. Surround yourself with positive people. Say positive things to other people. It might be awkward at first but with time, it becomes a habit and you will begin enjoying the fruits of being positive. You will start enjoying your job, your relationship, and friendships.